Management Techniques of the
Bottom 95% of U.S. Corporations

Staffing
• Hire the best employees you can possibly afford then ignore their input, micro-manage them and second guess their decisions.
• Recognize employees who develop new or extend existing skills by putting others in charge of related projects.
• Keep staffing levels critically low.
• Hire consultants to "relieve" the workload. Temporary employees do not raise head count and rumors of exorbitant hourly rates will engage staff as their new co-workers "come up to speed".
• Criticism must be public to be effective.
• Reward successful and overachieving employees with increased workloads. reduce the milieu of other staff accordingly.
• Reward poor employees, beyond keeping them on the payroll, by offering them the same education and advancement opportunities as your stars.
• Choose your subordinate managers carefully. Skilled, savvy people with good interpersonal and organizational skills can threaten your position; never promote these employees and they will leave under their own accord.
  
  Cooperation
• Lay claim to areas serviced by other divisions and departments.
• Never give up something no matter how badly you're doing ("If you've got it, hold it!").
• Build dysfunctional teams by forcing motivated, knowledgeable employees to work closely with underachievers and the inept.
• Cultivate an adversarial relationship to other departments and divisions.
• Insist upon skill-sharing and cross-training without allocating time or reducing workloads.
• Encourage "round-table" discussions then dominate them and dismiss disagreement.
• Break down social and personal barriers by intruding upon unproductive time such as trips to the restroom, meals, sleep and family visits.
  
  Project Management
• Prioritize all tasks and projects equally.
• Delay action on major and minor projects then make snap decisions.
• Set arbitrary deadlines and stick to them.
• Keep "top level" information to yourself and deluge staffers with innumerable details.
• Publish standard operating procedures that are neither standard nor the procedure.
• Define "corporate goals" near mid-year.
• Use your investment portfolio as a handy guide for decision making.
• Involve subordinates in the decision making process by having them attend a merry-go-round of unrelated meetings.
• Establish a corporate Project Management Office then ignore it.
  
  Corporate Culture
• Maintain an atmosphere of crisis.
• Recognize best practices by ignoring them, they'll go away.
• Define "opportunities" in terms of additional work.
• Require non-critical work to be performed after-hours, on weekends and over holidays.
• Stratify management and encourage bureaucracy.
• Create a "culture of meetings".
• Base critical decisions upon incomplete or inaccurate information.
• Encourage subcommitees.
• Embrace the status quo. Decay is preferable to change.
• Lavish praise on minor accomplishments.
• Buck the trend by curtailing perks.
• Silently live by the motto,"No policy is the best policy."
• Keep the rumor trade busy by not stating objectives.
• Publish costly, colorful, and content-free internal bulletins.
  
  

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